Recently, I asked the question on Facebook: “Pastors, what could your church members say/do for you to feel actually appreciated?”
Some church members gave their two cents. Some were snarky, starting their own long comment threads. Some were self-righteous. Others, more guarded. But some were honest.
One pastor said, “Take me out for a [hot beverage] and a genuine catch-up.”
Another, “Honestly, sometimes it’s as simple as asking, ‘How are you?’ and genuinely wanting to know. As pastors, so much of what we do is serving, giving and being there for others. So, it means a lot when someone calls or checks in, not because they need something, but simply to see how we’re doing or to pray with us. Those small things can mean more than people realise.”
One shared, “When someone tells me ‘I’ve been praying for you’. Sometimes it’s about a need I quietly shared and other times it’s something I never even said, but they noticed it. Knowing someone cared enough to take the time to pray for me is so meaningful.”
Another said, “Even if it’s hard to align schedules, having a church member reaching out just to catch up is awesome. Most of the time, catching up with people from church is the pastor trying to check in and make things happen or people just wanting to complain. Obviously those two things have their place, but when someone just wants to connect and catch up, that’s awesome.”
One of my favourite responses was from a pastoral spouse. “If church members value/appreciate the pastoral family, I can guarantee this will have a positive impact on the pastor. A pastor’s safe place is (or should be at least) their home. If the church is supporting/appreciating the home, then the home can support the pastor.”
Pastors come in all shapes and sizes. Some are all bravado and confidence. Some are softer, more reflective. Some are driven by the desire to “have the right answer” for every doctrinal, philosophical or culture war issue. Others ask more questions than they answer. Some pastors overshare at any given opportunity. Others struggle to share much of their interior life at all. We’ve all met the pastor who shares too much in the sermon, only to be met by a glare from their spouse that everyone knows will continue in the car ride home. On the other hand, I knew one minister who notoriously kept personal details close to his chest, including hiding his home address from everyone—church members and colleagues alike.
Regardless of differences, all pastors are driven by the same things: to help their community, proclaim the gospel and see people enter a saving relationship with Jesus. Many also face common challenges: imposter syndrome, the pressure to appear spiritual even when they don’t feel it—and the often-overwhelming responsibility of leading a church—big or small.
One great outcome from my Facebook post was a church member reaching out to that first responder—the one who simply wanted a hot cuppa—and followed through. So, this Pastor Appreciation Month, perhaps the best thing you can do is remember that your pastor is a person before they are a position. They don’t need to be put on a pedestal, but they do need friendship, prayer, encouragement and the occasional reminder that they are valued for more than what they produce. Ask how they’re doing—and mean it. Make room for their family. Invite them for a hot cuppa—without an agenda. Pastors spend much of their lives caring for others. Every now and then, make sure someone is caring for them, too.
