My wife and I were happy to get away and attend a friend’s wedding. We’ve attended so many weddings during our relationship, and it’s always a special event to come together and celebrate the love of someone we care for.
The wedding in question was sentimental, nostalgic for the couple. It was designed as they wanted it, personalised and perfect . . . almost.
You see, while the fittings and venue and aesthetic were beautiful, the whole day was a little disconcerting for me.
This was the first wedding I’ve been to that has not reflected on the institution of marriage or acknowledged a higher power or reason for being together.
In many ways it was the same as any other wedding I’ve been to. A beautiful song kicked off proceedings. Then the celebrant gave a speech. However, the speech focused on the couple, how they met, fell in love and the challenges they’d overcome in their relationship. Never mind a Bible passage or two, there were not even any inspirational quotes from the poets or culture. There was no call to stay together because marriage is bigger than themselves. Just love for love’s sake.
As someone who has been married now for 14 years, I know how hard marriage can be. It has seasons where it is so difficult. Yes, they have a good foundation. It’s cute how they met and admirable that they’ve survived the challenges they have. But an external threat is potentially much easier to face head on together than an internal one that threatens to pull them apart. What holds a marriage together when it’s pulling apart from the seams?
Marriage has been shown to be good for you. Harvard Health claims that married people take less risks, eat better and take better care of their health. Financially there are real world benefits. Men who are married (sorry ladies) live longer and are more stable and secure.
So even a secular wedding could appeal to something higher—a greater good or benefit to society. But that’s just the thing. Marriage has been stripped of its higher meaning and reduced to something largely sentimental. It’s often treated as the final boss of a relationship, preceded by moving in together, having kids, getting a dog and travelling the world. If marriage is simply the final stage to tick off, then what’s the next step? What happens after that?
My wife and I had challenges before we were married. Looking back now, many of them pale in comparison to the things we have faced while married. And one of the things that kept me going in the most difficult seasons was our vows. We used the vow of Ruth in our wedding ceremony: “For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you” (Ruth 1:16,17).
Until “death do us part”. Where you go, what you go through, I’ll be right there beside you.
In the darkest times, it’s only the covenant you’ve made in front of God and friends and family that might hold you together. I fear for those who have no higher vision for marriage, that they will easily succumb to separation and suffer all the pain and problems that divorce can bring. Of course, sometimes divorce is necessary and we must have compassion for those who go through it. But it is not something to be wished on any couple or their children and it is hard for everyone involved.
I pray all the best for the couple, that they are happy, that they find deeper meaning and purpose because they find God and He changes their lives. And maybe, when they renew their vows at 10 or 15 or 30 years, it can be a more spiritual service.
