There’s more to say after ‘R U OK?’

In this written Spoken Word, Janice Fereti shares how she battled doubt and anxiety, and triumphed through her spiritual journey.

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Life is a struggling friend

each night she lays wake til dawn

from the bed of her casket

unaware of what the day may bring.

Life is a wondering thought

each day, a battle between good and evil

her thoughts swimming in lukewarm waters

while profusely drowning in a glass of deep sea.

Life is a defeated soldier

who never lined up with anyone’s standard of life

yet each moment putting her life in the line of fire,

while the only support line

was the lifeline number 13 11 14.

Wounds of not being pretty enough,

scars of not being smart enough,

staring down the gun barrel of never being good enough.

Life is the masquerade she puts on when you ask her:

R U OK?

 

I still struggle with

I’m never ‘fill in the negative blank’ enough.

It took me six sessions of counselling

to figure out

‘Death and life are in the power of the tongue.’

And I was slowly feasting on death

or was death feasting on me?

I found myself eating every pessimistic word

in the human vocabulary,

uploading positive posts on social media

yet crying for help through my soundproof pillow.

Left to survive in a padded room full of echoes

it’s the wounds you don’t see that hurt the most.

‘For as he thinks in his heart so is, he’

and I thought, so much evil in my heart

it deceived me.

Each cell of my body enslaved

by the negative voices of my Pinocchio’s.

God had picked up my broken pieces

and started to put the shrouds together

only to seal it with his everlasting love.

I am a woman no longer a girl,

I am caterpillar who has blossomed into a butterfly

I am a work in progress

called to be His masterpiece in damaged places.

 

Fragile stickers plastered over human hearts,

emotions covered by feeble face masks.

Surrounded by a society that sees

weakness in sharing your feelings

while being caught up in a fake façade of fame

let’s not surrender to misery another day

let’s take a step out in faith

let’s cry a little, let our shame be our story

that encourages others to share their journey

I’m all for showing my flaws

putting it on a pedestal

and claiming the thorns in my flesh as my trophy.

Only God can take the thing

we want to hide and build

the greatest story we will ever tell

it’s only in darkness we see stars shine the brightest.

We, are perfectly imperfect beings

we are the result of what has been moulded in dark places

we are the voices crying out in the wilderness,

there’s more to say after R U OK?

 

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, a Lifeline Crisis Supporter is only a call away on 13 11 14. To find FAQ about mental health, visit Beyond Blue. For extra resources on mental health, visit Signs of the Times.