If you’ve ever planted a tree and watched it grow, you’ll know that a young tree’s growth is all about getting taller. And then, as trees get older, instead of racing upward, their roots deepen and they become stronger. We use words such as “slender” or “flexible” to describe a young tree; and “solid” or “deeply rooted” to describe a mature tree. For as long as a tree is alive, it continues to grow toward greater maturity. The same is true of human growth and development, and we use words such as “energetic” or “playful” to describe children; and “experienced” or “wise” to describe an older person. For as long as we are alive, growth toward greater maturity is the one journey every one of us is on.
The same is true of our spiritual lives. No matter how long we’ve called ourselves followers of Jesus, and no matter how young or old we are, each one of us is meant to grow toward maturity (2 Corinthians 10:15; 2 Thessalonians 1:3; 1 Peter 2:2; cf. Ephesians 4:11-16; Galatians 4:19). The apostle Peter described this as growing up to be “mature and whole in God” (1 Peter 2:2, MSG).
If “spiritual maturity” exists, so must “spiritual immaturity”. But how would you feel if I asked you to identify and describe a spiritually immature person? For many of us, labelling a fellow-believer as spiritually immature seems wrong, somehow. But how would you feel if I asked if you think of yourself as spiritually mature? Would this also seem wrong, somehow? Presumptuous, maybe?
We may feel ambivalent speaking about spiritual maturity or lack thereof, and yet the writers of the New Testament, particularly the apostle Paul, had no such qualms. For example, the Ephesian believers were instructed to grow toward maturity, so that they would “no longer be children” (Ephesians 4:14). Similarly, the Corinthians were described as “mere infants in Christ”, who needed “milk”, for they were not yet ready for “solid food” (1 Corinthians 3:1,2). Paul seemed to consider spiritual immaturity a normal part of learning to follow Jesus. Just as there is beauty—and not shame—in being a young tree or young person, there is beauty—and not shame—in being “a mere infant” in our spiritual journey.
But what if we get stuck in spiritual immaturity?
In the early 1800s, medical doctors coined the term “arrested development” to describe a halt in physical growth. Today, psychologists use this term to describe emotional or psychological growth that has stopped prematurely. This can result from trauma, neglect or significant life disruptions, such as addiction, and describes a person’s inability to move beyond certain immature patterns of behaviour, despite being physically grown.
While we may assume that growth toward spiritual maturity is an inevitable outcome of choosing to follow Jesus, something similar to “arrested development” can happen in our spiritual lives. As the book of Hebrews tells us, “though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food!” (Hebrews 5:12, NIV).
Based on the New Testament passages that encourage believers to meet together (eg, Acts 2:42-47; Ephesians 4:12; Colossians 3:16; 1 Thessalonians 5:11; Hebrews 10:25), we tend to assume that spiritual growth will be the natural outcome of regular church attendance and participation. However, while church attendance is vital, it is not enough. According to theologian Dallas Willard, one of the most significant barriers to spiritual growth is assuming that regular church attendance is enough. Willard tells the story of visiting a missionary friend who was working hard to revive dying churches. When Willard asked his friend about plans for helping people grow spiritually, his friend answered, “Just get people in the door. They’ll catch on.” As he thought of all the interpersonal anger and hostility he’d witnessed among people who’d been “in the door” for a long time, Willard remembered the old saying that going to church didn’t make one a Christian any more than going into a garage made one a car.
And yet, as Dietrich Bonhoeffer declared, “The Christian needs another Christian who speaks God’s word to him. He needs him again and again when he becomes uncertain and discouraged, for by himself he cannot help himself.” Is it possible that Scripture’s “meeting together” and Bonhoeffer’s “needing one another” is describing something different to our contemporary experience of church attendance?
The first epistle to the Thessalonians provides a unique perspective on “meeting together” and “needing one another” for growth toward spiritual maturity. According to this passage, believers in the infant stage of spiritual maturity need a “nursing mother” (1 Thessalonians 2:7) to provide love and care, as well as teaching and modelling of the Christian life (v8). As new believers gradually grow from spiritual infancy toward spiritual childhood, they need someone more like a “father” (v11), who can encourage them toward spiritual maturity (v12). And finally, mature believers are referred to as “brothers and sisters” (v14), implying reciprocal learning from one another.
The parent-child and brother-sister imagery in this passage implies that spiritual growth occurs in the context of intentional and close personal relationships. Essentially, it resembles what should occur in Christian families—the intergenerational fostering of faith development and spiritual growth. Without intentional and close personal relationships, both children growing up in Christian homes and new believers are less likely to grow toward spiritual maturity.
Unfortunately, in the busyness of modern life, we struggle to have the time and emotional capacity for fostering relationships with our own families, let alone with other believers. As a result, without shared spiritual experiences within the context of close relationships, our children and new believers learn to attend church and put on their Sabbath face by mimicking the language and behaviour of other members, all the while not knowing how to truly live a Christian life. At best, the spiritual development of even long-term church members is arrested in spiritual infancy. At worst, our children and new believers are inoculated against the gospel, having tried it and found it to offer only false promises of spiritual transformation.
So, what can we do?
In the busyness of our lives, we must intentionally prioritise at least one close personal relationship with someone who can help us grow. If you’re a young person or young in faith, be intentional in connecting with a spiritual “nursing mother”, regardless of gender, who can provide the love and care, teaching and modelling that will help you grow spiritually. If you’re a little further along in your spiritual journey, be intentional in building a relationship with a spiritual “father”, also regardless of gender, with whom you can share authentic spiritual conversation, safely expressing doubt and differences of opinion, and who can encourage, teach and model spiritual maturity. And if you’re a more mature believer, as evidenced by the fruit of the Spirit exemplified in your life, seek a spiritual friendship with a “brother” or “sister”—someone with whom you can share vulnerably about your faith journey and from whom you can learn; and also consider the young believers in your sphere of influence, maybe a child, grandchild or new member, and consider how you might be a spiritual “nursing mother” or “father” to that person.
Because we need one another to grow.
Dr Edyta Jankiewicz is the family ministries director for the South Pacific Division.
