It’s just not my thing ay,“ my friend said, as she threw me a look—a mixture of pity and guilt.
“That’s fine,” I quickly replied, not knowing what to do with yet another dismissal of my women’s ministry events. I hadn’t always thought women’s ministry was my thing either, but now that I’d been running events for 10 years, I’d come to see the value of the programs and the fellowship.
The particular weekend in question saw a woman attending who had been at our Adventist school boarding facility, but had left the Church and just returned, decades later. Another woman was new to our Church and enjoying meeting fellow Adventists. Mothers brought teens pretending to be indifferent yet still in the presence of women in worship and older women brought unchurched friends. Friends we hadn’t yet met from another denomination also came to worship alongside friends we only see once a year.
What type of woman does see it as “their thing”? In the years I have been running women’s weekends I’ve noticed some trends. Women, as a generalisation, love to do things together as a group of girlfriends. This is true of any group of females but particularly among cultural groups such as Pacifica, African and Filipino women—to name a few in our Conference.
There is strength and beauty in togetherness. Women who are older and/or alone have the opportunity to find a feeling of belonging and often look forward to a gathering of like-minded Christians. Women looking for some “me” time—away from the busyness of family, work and church responsibilities—love the connection. Women who are looking for a deeper spiritual connection are attracted to a strong message. Women who love to laugh, let their hair down and enjoy downtime, book into retreats with their friends. And some women come “just because you need help to run things . . . but remember it’s not my thing!” And, while never admitting to it, they often find more than they bargained for.
I can’t say I blame my friends. It may seem that for the uncomfortable sacrifice of leaving their husband and kids to their own ends, they only receive a dubious-smelling free candle and several emotional rounds of handholding while singing “Kum ba Yah”!
Oh, come on now—where did these ideas come from!? Could it be that we have been ingrained with the notion that where girls gather the stereotype of “froth and bubble” décor will be more dominant than the goodness of God theology shared? Have we as women been led to believe that we have no need to nurture our own spirituality, but rather actively encourage our men and children to know God, before we seek Him ourselves? May it even be that as women in church, we may let our self-esteem ebb to levels that make it uncomfortable to face our spiritual sides and share these with others?
Each reason or excuse for not “feeling” a call to meet with other women, spiritually and socially, is as individual as each of us. The only crime is if we, as a church, don’t encourage the women to seek fellowship where appropriate, as they do for others.
So what about the candles? What about the heightened emotions? Oh, come on now—you know a girl loves gifts and cute décor and that tapping into emotions has “good gospel vibes” all over it!
The best gatherings of women in our church today involve times that supersede the so-called “girly” trappings and trade—at least some of these—for top level sharing of God’s Word by excellent speakers, in a setting designed to intentionally bring God’s girls to His throne. Workshop options at retreats I am involved in include “Reaching the community”, “Giving Bible studies”, “Bible journalling”, “Prayer ministry”, “Health initiatives”, “Hands-on craft options to bless others with” and “How to prepare sermons”.
Lori Hatcher, writing for Crosswalk.com observed, “When I join a group of women singing praise songs to God, I experience a taste of what heaven’s going to be like when we’re gathered around His throne. When I sit with my sisters and open God’s Word, the insights I gain as we study together add weight and credence to its truth. When I pray for others, and they pray for me, I know I’m not alone, no matter how heavy my burden is. Some years their faith strengthens me, and other years my faith strengthens them. Together we bear each other’s burdens.”
She continues, with examples of the non-verbal dialogue in our heads: “I can’t be gone for a whole weekend. Who will take the kids to soccer?; My husband hates it when I’m gone. It’s not worth the hassle; It’s out of my comfort zone and a little scary.”
She concludes, “We have a hundred reasons why we shouldn’t go to the women’s retreat. Some years the voices win out, and we stay home. Later, when we hear the glowing reports from others about how wonderful it was, we feel a pang of regret, but it doesn’t last long. ‘Oh well,’ we say, ‘maybe next year.’ Other times we make the extra effort, and we’re the ones sharing happy stories and telling how glad we are that we attended.”
As a women’s ministry coordinator, I don’t have all the answers to encourage my friends to attend a retreat weekend. What I do know is that even when YOU may not see the benefit for yourself, there are always women who do attend who could greatly benefit from your presence—how’s that for some solid female subliminal guilt?
So, could it be “your thing”, my friend? Next time you see a women’s event advertised, come and make the best spiritual memories. Take it from me and a few thousand blessed women when we say ”please try not to let those crazy notions of candles and Kum ba Yah’s derail your purpose”. There’s every chance you will be blessed in the most surprising ways . . . and be a blessing.
Lynelle Laws is the women’s ministry coordinator in North New Zealand.
