I recently had a bit of an existential crisis. This has been a hard editorial to write but I’m sharing in the hope that whoever reads it may find it encouraging. I was struggling with contentment in life. What started as a good intention—providing a good life for my family—became a pebble in my shoe, irritating and increasingly uncomfortable. Now, I am blessed beyond measure when I take stock of what God has given me. But at the same time I had fallen into the comparison trap.
I’m not into things. Gifts are not my love language. I’m still wearing shoes I bought 10 years ago and I don’t need the latest model—as long as it still works, I’ll keep using it. Because of this, I’ve always felt a bit like the tenth commandment doesn’t apply to me. You know, the one about coveting.
But I was looking at other people my age who have bought houses and settled down, or lived in other states and had lifestyle benefits that I felt I was missing out on. Some things could even be spiritualised—like spending more time with kids or having more balance and improved mental health to be more in tune with God.
I had fallen into the comparison trap and, without realising it, it was making me unhappy. It caused me to forget—or at least feel confusion—about my calling and that God was in control.
At the heart of the tenth commandment is comparison. Desiring your neighbour’s stuff starts with comparing what you’ve got and what they’ve got and telling yourself that what they’ve got is better.
Comparison has always been part of the human experience.
Israel were God’s chosen people and had been given a clear blueprint on how to live, but they wanted to be like the other nations around them.
“So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah. They said to him, ‘You are old, and your sons do not follow your ways; now appoint a king to lead us, such as all the other nations have’” (1 Samuel 8:4,5).
There were many other rationales they could have given for wanting a king but the one that is recorded here is that they wanted to be like the other nations. Samuel warns them that a king will tax them and take their children for his service but they are not persuaded. “But the people refused to listen to Samuel. “No!” they said. “We want a king over us. Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles” (1 Samuel 8:19,20).
We all know how that turned out. They wanted stability and military prowess. They wanted esteem and prestige in the eyes of other nations. But the kings of Israel burdened the people, disregarded God’s laws and led the people into unending wars until the invasions and exiles.
Comparison doesn’t always feel wrong. Sometimes it just sneaks up on you. Yet it can mess with the peace and joy a Christian can find when resting in God’s grace.
And it’s so much easier to fall into the comparison trap with social media showing us all the highlights of a person’s life. It is often subconscious.
For me to climb out of the hole, the first step has been awareness. Recognising I have a problem in this area. Then taking that problem to God. This means being vulnerable, surrendering to Him and trusting that whatever plans He has for me, they are better for my soul and my future than anything I can come up with myself. This decision is one I’ve had to make again and again, as that temptation to chase comparison creeps back into my life. I have to keep choosing to trust and follow.
An effective antidote to comparison is contentment—being present, being grateful, counting blessings, recognising the things I do have and seeing them as enough.
If you’re trapped by comparisons, maybe it’s time to give them to God and trust Him completely. It’s not easy but it’s worth it.
